Monday, May 22, 2006
Snowy * 2000-2006 *
I start my mourning of Snowy 12 days after he had passed away simply because the news had came at first as a piece of news. I just accepted it. I didn’t know how to react. Today, 12 days later, I dissolved into a pool of tears because it was only today reality hit me.
I was not in the know when he was ill with sickness, struggling for his life. I was not there when he was put to sleep. Nor did I find out until 4 days later. I had come home, confused, delusional and sad, expecting my dog to be there for me. I had it wrong. He wasn’t there anymore. I had been too late and everything was over. And the worst thing was I wasn’t there for him. My parents was there for him but it stills leave me guilt-wrought for not being there. If only I had come home immediately when holidays started.
I remember hearing commotion in the middle of the night when my brother came home. I came storming out of the house asking him to keep it down and instead my brother just gestured for me to come. In full doubt I ventured over. And there, exploring and sniffing around was little Snowy. He was such a cute guy, a little creature with white, snowy fur. It was late and we were not prepared for him so we tried to leash him so he won’t wander off while we were asleep. It was not easy, a puppy and already a rebel.
He was rather sickly when he came to us. We nursed him and coaxed him to drink his puppy milk. With his daily 3 meals, he grew to a fat puppy, with a barrel of a tummy and short little legs. His tummy would sway left and right when he waddles off after his dinner. He hated bathing. Every time we want to bathe him he would put on a fight or whine and sit on the floor, refusing to move. His one love is going out. I remember the evenings when we tore through the hillside, trying to out run each other. We hiked up the hills together and he always wanted to be one leading although sometimes he did not know the way.
I never did succeed in teaching him any tricks. All he understood was “Come here”, “Wait” and to look to the direction of my finger when I pointed at something. He knew his name of course. But answering would be up to him. There are days when you call out to him and he would just look at you, hesitating for a moment to decide whether he wants to come to you. If he felt like it then he would come to you. Otherwise nothing you do can make him do so. Despite his disobedience and my failure as a trainer, he knew where he belonged. I remember the evenings where both of us just sat there, me stroking him and he all relaxed and settled.
I was a coward when it came to gory stuff. Yet, during the 2 times he had wondered off and was attacked by strays, I nursed him back to full health. I wasn’t scared then. I just wanted to save him. The bite wounds didn’t deter me. Although they were deep and bloody, I became the doctor and the nurse to my dear, dear patient.
He was my companion during the years when I was growing up. He was my object of obsession so much so that during his 1st year with me and my family all I could talk about was him. My friends, every one of them, had to bear with me and my dog-stories.
For the 1st week I was back at home I couldn’t help but look out, waiting for Snowy to appear at his usual spot, just in front of the door. I would look at the food we had during dinner and thought to myself that Snowy may darn well like that piece of chicken there. I would listen quietly for his patter of feet when he runs from the garden to the porch. I wondered why the garden is so quiet because I couldn’t hear the breaking of flower pots and the scratching of the ground. I didn’t feel right when I came home the other day and there was no wet nose to greet me when I unlocked the gate. I kept wondering and waiting. But today I accept that there will be no more because he is gone.
This short piece here is in no way justice enough for the times and memories of him, growing up together with me. However, it would be endless and too painful to go into every detail. Snowy will remain forever in my memory and in my heart.
I love you very much, Snowy and always will.
Posted by Berenice at 1:28 PM